thoughts released.

it breaks me every time my thoughts inevitably stray to forbidden thoughts of you.

pixels on a screen rob me of all warmth and leave a cold, hard shell of my being.

i can't say i don't care that your smiles will never be for me. i can't say i don't wish for...things that were never within my reach in the first place.

i can't say a lot of things.

i'm reduced to typing on a screen with uncontrollably shaky hands, shivering even though the heater is turned up high.

go ahead, laugh at the obvious cliche situation that i'm in, and tell me that i'm wrong for doing things as i did them. make fun of my excessively dramatic thoughts. i don't care.

there is only one comforting thought in this unkind twist of reality:

you're smiling.

so long as that is a fact, i can cope with all the rest.



[*deep breath* ok, now back to that book i'm reading. ooh, there's a funny show on tv. hey, maybe i'll make a website right now. ok, i can do that while i'm listening to music and editing this video and debugging this program while brushing my teeth and... ]

Words taken from "Eldest", a novel by Christopher Paolini, second in the Inheritance Series.

i present to you the conclusion to a conversation between Eragon and his Master Oromis.

For a long time, Eragon stared out the window, turning Oromis’s words
over in his mind. “You don’t believe in an afterlife, then.”

“From what Glaedr said, you already knew that.”

“And you don’t put stock in gods.”

“We give credence only to that which we can prove exists. Since we
cannot find evidence that gods, miracles, and other supernatural things
are real, we do not trouble ourselves about them. If that were to change,
if Helzvog [a god] were to reveal himself to us, then we would accept the new
information and revise our position.”

“It seems a cold world without something... more.”

“On the contrary,” said Oromis, “it is a better world. A place where we
are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another
because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of be-
ing frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment. I won’t
tell you what to believe, Eragon. It is far better to be taught to think
critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have
someone else’s notions thrust upon you. You asked after our religion, and
I have answered you true. Make of it what you will.”


just something to ponder about. :)