thoughts released.

it breaks me every time my thoughts inevitably stray to forbidden thoughts of you.

pixels on a screen rob me of all warmth and leave a cold, hard shell of my being.

i can't say i don't care that your smiles will never be for me. i can't say i don't wish for...things that were never within my reach in the first place.

i can't say a lot of things.

i'm reduced to typing on a screen with uncontrollably shaky hands, shivering even though the heater is turned up high.

go ahead, laugh at the obvious cliche situation that i'm in, and tell me that i'm wrong for doing things as i did them. make fun of my excessively dramatic thoughts. i don't care.

there is only one comforting thought in this unkind twist of reality:

you're smiling.

so long as that is a fact, i can cope with all the rest.



[*deep breath* ok, now back to that book i'm reading. ooh, there's a funny show on tv. hey, maybe i'll make a website right now. ok, i can do that while i'm listening to music and editing this video and debugging this program while brushing my teeth and... ]